• Major ideas
  • Negotiation is a dialogue with the other person. The conflict is with the situation, not with the other person, and it helps build empathy with the other party.
  • Mirroring the other party helps build trust and empathy, and buy time, get more information.
  • Labeling, giving names to people's emotion ("It seems like you're feeling ...") helps show empathy without directly asking about their situation and factors you may not fully understand.
  • "No" can be more powerful than "yes". It gives the other party the feeling of more power and makes them more comfortable. It eliminates the things they don't want.
• Chapter 1
  • Negotiation begins by understanding and accepting. Listening is the easiest and most powerful way to "give" to the other party and shows that you're willing to understand them.
• Chapter 2
  • Mirrors
  • Great negotiators remain open to all possibilities and are more agile to adapting circumstances.
  • Negotiation is not a battle but a process of discovery, where your goal is to reveal more information
  • Make your counterpart feel comfortable to share what they really want.
  • Slow down - going too fast makes the other person feel like they're not being heard.
  • Types of voices:
    • Positive/playful voice
      • Default voice
      • Easygoing, light, encouraging. Helps the other person relax and smile.
    • Late night FM DJ voice
      • Use selectively to make a point
      • Downward inflection, calm and slow.
      • Authority and trust without defensiveness
    • Direct Assertive voice
      • Rarely used, can cause problems and pushback
  • Smile
  • Mirror: Repeat last 3 words (or critical 1-3 words) they said. Get them to empathize and buy time.
  • Strategy:
    • LN FM DJ voice
    • Start with "I'm sorry..."
    • Mirror
    • Silence, 4 seconds, let the mirror sink in.
• Chapter 3 - Label
  • Detect the other person's emotion, then label it ("It seems like.. It sounds like.. It looks like.."). Then wait, give them time to give a longer answer.
  • Negative emotions - labelling diffuses the situation. Positive emotions - labeling reinforces it.
  • Instead of denying barriers to agreement/deal (which gives them credibility), label them and diffuse.
• Chapter 3 - Beware "Yes" Master "No"
  • People need to feel in control - having them say "No" helps them feel that. Get it as early as possible so you can address the issues and get them to feel like they had control in the outcome.
  • No allows them to feel like they're safe and comfortable to then make a decision.
  • "Is now a bad time?" better than "Do you have time to speak?"
  • Sometimes you'll have to force a No via mis-labeling (ie. "It seems like you want this project to fail").
  • If you're not receiving responses, try "Have you given up on this project?"
• Chapter 5 - That's right
  • "that's right" is better than yes - it means they agree with you and are seeing from your point of view.
  • Use a summary, with labeling, of their point of view. Identify, re-articulate and empathize with their world view, to trigger a "that's right".
• Chapter 6 - Bend their reality
  • Strategy:
    • Anchor their emotions
      • ccusation Audit of their fears. Focusing on their loss aversion.
    • Let them go first
      • but be prepared if they anchor you low.
    • Establish a range
      • instead of giving them a number, allude to similar deals with a high anchor range (ie. At top places X, people in this role are being paid between 130-170). Prevents them from getting defensive.
    • Pivot to non-monetary
      • Grant them things that matter less to you but could mean something to them, to seem reasonable. If their offer is low, get things that matter to you but not to them.
    • Use odd numbers
      • Use non-rounded numbers that make it sound specific, calculated, and harder to negotiate you out of.
    • Grant them a gift
  • Negotiating salary
    • Pleasantly persistent on non-salary terms - emotional anchoring and focus on non-salary to hear full options.
    • Define success terms
    • Spark their interest in your success, get a mentor
  • Sell yourself not as a person for the job, but as proof of their skill and intelligence
  • Deadlines help move the process along and make people rush even against their interest
  • Anchor the offer you'll make before making it. Focus on how bad it will be before specifying it.
• Chapter 7 - Illusion of Control
  • Calibrated questions, make them feel like they're in control but it's you that's framing it.
    • "How am I supposed to do that?"
    • "What about this is important to you?"
    • "How can I help make this better for us?"
    • "How would you like me to proceed?"
    • "How can we solve this problem?"
    • "What's our objective here?"
  • Control your emotions, bite your tongue, and ask calibrated questions when being assaulted.
  • Focus on "What" and "How" instead of "why", so they are in control and not feel like they're defending
• Chapter 8 - Guarantee extraction
  • Instead of saying "No", ask "How..". It will convince them that they found a solution to the problem.
  • Then, summarize their answer, so that they say "That's right" (insead of "you're right")
  • The Chris Discount - Use your own name, create forced empathy
• Get them to bid against themselves
  • Instead of saying No to their offer, use indirect "No"s (4 times) to get them to make other offers.
    • "How am I supposed to do that?" as a request for help
    • "Your offer is very generous, I'm sorry, that just doesn't work for me".
      • "Generous" welcomes reciprocity
    • "I'm sorry I just can't do that"
• Chapter 9 - Bargain Hard
  • Instead of haggling, divert to non-monetary: "Let's put price off to the side for a second and talk about what make this a good deal."
  • "What else would you be able to offer to make this a good deal?"
  • Instead of giving your price, point to someone else's high numbers.
  • Never be needy for a deal.
  • The Ackerman Model:
    • Set your (goal) target price
    • Set your first offer at 65%
    • Make three raises of decreasing increments (so it looks like you're approaching your final price): 85, 95, 100
    • Use lots of empathy and indirect No
    • On the final amount, use precise non-round number like 37,893. Throw in non monetary items to show it's your last price.